


I Just Can't Wait For Love To Destroy Us

by JustFolieADeuxIt



Series: Lust & Lies [2]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Drama, Eating Disorder, Fighting, Multi, Racing, Romance, Violence, alchohol, couples, depressio
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-02-12 01:10:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2090079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustFolieADeuxIt/pseuds/JustFolieADeuxIt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the SEQUEL to 'There Is A Part Of Me That Never Left A Part Of You'- So if you've not read it, you should or this won't make any sense.<br/>----<br/>Taking place right where the last story left off, the drivers find themselves facing new challenges and new questions. Most importantly, new futures.</p><p>One has become a new dad<br/>One's not sure he's ready to be a dad<br/>A broken relationship<br/>A new friend<br/>A new enemy<br/>A new beginning<br/>1 race could change everything..<br/>So the question remains the same.. How far would you go?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Please Don't Leave Me

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked the last story and behold, here is the first chapter to the sequel. Thanks for all the support!

Scene - Continued from last chapter from 'There Is A Part Of Me That Never Left A Part Of You'

Jenson sat Kevin down and looked at him. "What do you hate? Talk to me.."

"This. I thought it would be different. I thought I would do good and that we would be winners and be the top team and we would-.. we could celebrate together and just.. Be happy."

"Kevin.. It doesn't work like that. You don't just jump straight to the top and become World Champion. I worked my ass off to get where I am. And I'm happy because.. I never gave up. You have to fight for what you want."

Kevin just looked at him. "What if I changed my mind? What if it's not what I want anymore?"

"You've only done two races with the team. Finish the Season and then if you're still not happy, we can talk to the team.. Together. This is my last season, Kev'.. And I want you race beside me. So don't give up.. Okay?" 

Kevin nodded and then stood up. "Guess I should get ready for the race."

Jenson nodded and stood, pulling him into a hug. "Good luck today." He said, then left the room. Stoffel was sitting in Jenson's side of the garage and he grinned. "Hey."

"Hey. I have something to tell you." Jenson grinned.

"What is it?" 

"I talked to the guys in charge about who would be replacing me and we all agreed no one would be better for the job than you."

Stoffel stared, wide-eyed at the Briton and then jumped up from his chair. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"You're the best." Stoffel breathed, throwing his arms around the older driver.

"Eh.. I think many drivers would agree Vettel's the best, but I'll accept the compliment, thank you." Jenson laughed.

\----  
Scene - Oliver Turvey 

Oliver was sitting in his garage, waiting to be called to get in the car. He couldn't focus as much as wanted to. All he could think about was Carly and the baby. He was still having trouble realising that the reality was that he was going to be a father. He wished the baby was his. It felt weird knowing it was her ex's.

He took out his phone and texted Sergio. "After the race, can we go somewhere? I have something to tell you."

"Jenson and I are going to some Italian place. I'll come to your room after and we can walk around or something." Sergio texted back, typing with one hand and trying to get into his race overalls with the other.

"Okay." Oliver replied, then suited up for the race and tried to relax. He knew one of the worst possible things to do was panic before a race.

\---  
Scene - Sebastian Vettel

Seb was standing around in his garage, observing the people around him. Heikki walked in and grinned. "Nico's in his car, so I have time to come give you a little lovin' before the race."

"Sex?" Seb asked, smirking.

"No.. But.." Heikki walked up behind him and started to massage his shoulders. "You could use some tender care."

"Ow.. tender? Heikki, you've got hands like an ape." Seb snickered, trying to relax so his boyfriend could work on his tense muscles. "All I want out of this race is a win."

"I know." Heikki whispered next to Seb's ear, the words floating into the German's brain like a trance.

"I need this win." He replied, turning around to face the blonde. "Wish me luck you stud."

Heikki kissed him. "Good luck my gorgeous little piece of meat." He smirked.

Seb threw his head back and laughed. "I love when you talk dirty to me." He murmured as he placed his helmet on and got in the car.

\----  
Scene - Bahrain GP / Start Of Race

The 22 drivers were lined up in their respectful grid positions with Lewis Hamilton starting on pole this time around. But Alonso had hope, starting beside him in Second. 

Sergio was starting in 7th, but had belief that he could very easily get on to the podium with a few good overtakes during the race. He stared at his steering wheel and then looked up at the cars in front of him.

As the green lights went out, the drivers slammed into acceleration and sped down the circuit, everyone eager to pass all at once. It was a jumble of skidding and braking and smoke from tyres.

A first lap accident ensued when Nico Rosberg and Felipe Massa collided. Both cars were off the circuit and their race was ruined. Both drivers headed back to their garages without a word spoken between them. They'd let the stewards handle this one, although Rosberg assured the team 100 percent that it was Felipe's fault.

Lewis got an instant lead as some of the others had slowed down to avoid the accident. Alonso was around 4 seconds behind him, but knew he could close the gap within a few laps.

Sergio made a quick pass on Hulkenberg who'd started in 6th and then did the same with Vettel who had started in 5th. He felt relieved. 2 more cars and he'd be in 3rd. He knew he still had to make pit-stops but, as long as he had a good lead from the start, things could turn out just as well as Australia and Malaysia.

Esteban was full of nerves, having started from 10th and already worked his way up to where Sergio started in 7th. He was coming up on Nico's Force India. Nico.. He hadn't spoke to Nico since the argument in the Hotel Diner earlier that morning. He didn't even know how their relationship would be after everything that had been going on. All he knew was that steering hurt like Hell with the still-healing stitches in his shoulder.

Nico could see Esteban in his side-mirrors and this time, he didn't feel like making things easy for him. He was angry and annoyed. He swerved infront of Esteban's car, blocking him in every which way that he could. 

\----  
By the end of the race, things had changed. Lewis had retired with Engine failure and Alonso was leading in First, just as he had been in Malaysia. Vettel was in Second and in Third was Button. Sergio was in 4th and trying to catch his friend in the final laps, but due to being on super worn-tyres, it was impossible. He didn't mind, 4th was still a good result. He knew he couldn't win all of the races.

Esteban had passed Nico earlier on and was heading towards the finish line in 6th when his car began to fight against him. He started to panic and attempted to go faster. All he wanted to do was finish the race. He let out a shout when his wheels made it past the chequered line without anyone passing him.

He met Sergio in the garages afterwards, where he congratulated him. "Great job! First points!" He grinned, hugging him close. "I'm sorry about our little fight.. I didn't mean to make you feel left out by sharing a room with Jenson."

Esteban shook his head. "I know. I overreacted. I was having a bad day.... Just going through some things." He said, trying to form a coherent sentence while pain shot through his sore shoulder.

Sergio nodded. "It's okay.. I think the podium ceremony is over.. Jenson and I are heading to get food soon, but you and I will do something fun tomorrow before I fly home."

"Okay." He replied, then watched him walk down the pit-lane. He heard footsteps coming up behind him and spun around to face Monisha, who hugged him tightly. "I'm so proud of you! See, I told you everything would work out?"

He nodded but groaned in pain. "My shoulder." He breathed.

She quickly let go. "I'm sorry."

"It's just sore." He murmured, pulling his race overalls off halfway so that he could check his shoulder. Blood was coming through from his undershirt. 

She reached out and gently stroked his hair. "That needs to be looked at by a doctor. Some of the stitches might've ripped."

He just scanned his eyes through the swarm of people that were scattered around the pit-lane, trying to spot Nico. Nico always came to the Sauber garages after the races, but he was nowhere in sight and he couldn't even stop himself if he tried. He just started crying.

"He's going to break up with me." 

Monisha frowned. "Hey-.. Look, how about we have someone look at your shoulder and then you can tell me what's going on, okay?" 

He noddded in response and let her take him to the medical center.

\----  
Fernando was sitting around in the back room of his garage with Kimi and the 1st place trophy. The two were sharing what was left of the huge bottle of Champagne from the podium. 

"Winning feels so good. I missed it."

"I still miss it." Kimi said, although he was laughing, not sounding depressed about it. After racing for so many years, he'd come to the conclusion that he just needed to hope for the best out of each race instead of trying to win everything.

Fernando smirked. "Oh, you'll get your redemption."

"Oh, trust me.. I know." Kimi said, taking a swig from the bottle and then passing it back to the Spaniard.

"Do you want have dinner with me and Dasha?" 

Kimi shrugged. "Wouldn't that be kind of awkward? It's not like a double-date. It's just me tagging along. I'll be a third-wheel."

Fernando shook his head. "Nah.. It'll be nice. She won't mind. It's not a date.. We were just gonna' get some good food."

"Okay." Kimi accepted the invitation and felt himself feeling a little better about all the recent events. He was coming to the realisation that maybe he didn't need Sebastian to be happy. Maybe he just needed a good group of friends and a bottle of champagne.


	2. I'm Sorry

Scene - Sergio Perez / Jenson Button

Sergio met Jenson outside of the Hotel a half hour later and they took a taxi to a restaurant. Once they were seated and served their drinks, Jenson smiled. "So."

"So.." Sergio mimicked.

Jenson raised his glass. "To you winning your first race and then topping it off by winning your second, in a row."

Sergio smiled. "And to you for becoming a father."

Jenson nodded. "Thanks.. I still can't believe it. It feels so surreal.. Everytime I hold her.."

"I wonder if I will have kids someday.. It would be nice to have a family. But I'm not ready yet.. Maybe a few more years of racing, then I'll do something a little more... laid back."

"Relaxing." Jenson laughed.

"Exactly." 

"So, did you get things settled between you and Esteban?"

"Yeah, everything's good."

"I saw Monisha taking him to the Medical Center when I was coming back from the podium ceremony."

"Yeah, his shoulder was bothering him or something." Sergio replied, his eyes scanning a menu.

"It's going to be weird.. Not being here next year. Not being at any of these places.. Not getting up early for practice.. No celebrations on podiums."

Sergio frowned. "You're depressing the whole restaurant." He joked.

"Very funny. But, I'm serious. I'm just going to be at home.. With Jess' and Evelynn.. I'm going to be retired at 34 years old."

"You're going to enjoy it more than you think." Sergio assured him.

"Yeah, maybe."

\----  
Scene - Monisha Kaltenborn / Esteban Gutierrez

The two were sitting on a couch in the main room of the Sauber hospitality unit. It was empty except for them. Esteban was still in pain from having his stitches re-done.

"So.. What's going on with you and Nico?" She asked.

"He doesn't want to race anymore. He doesn't want me racing either." Esteban murmured, staring at the floor.

"Why?"

"All the sudden, he thinks it's way too dangerous and he's all freaked out that I'll get hurt. I don't want to retire. I love racing.. I can't just.. Quit."

"Then don't. No one's forcing it upon you."

"I know-.. But what if he leaves me?"

"No love is worth suffering over." She told him as she organised papers in her binder.

He sighed and pulled his legs onto the couch and leaned against the pillows that were near the arm rest. "You're right.. If he really loves me, he won't leave me." He murmured.

She placed the last papers in the binder and shut the metal rings in the middle, then turned to look at him. "He does love you. Just give things time." She said, standing up. "I'm heading back to the hotel now to pack.. When are you flying back to Switzerland?"

He looked at her. "Probably sometime in the middle of the night.. 3 or 4 or something."

"My flight's at 3 if you don't want to fly alone." She offered.

He nodded. "Okay."

"I'll come by your room at 2 in the morning to make sure you're up, then we'll head to the airport."

"Okay."

"Get some sleep." She told him firmly, before heading back to the hotel.

He looked at his phone and texted Sergio. "When's your flight? I'm taking the plane at 3 with Monisha."

He got a reply a half hour later. "Tomorrow morning at 9. I thought we were supposed to hang out tomorrow."

"We can in Switzerland."

"Okay." Sergio replied.

Esteban got up and headed back to the hotel and into the room he was sharing with Kimi. He found a note on the inside of the door.

"Out at dinner with Fernando & Dasha. Will be back later."

Esteban texted Nico. "Can we talk? Room 219"

A few moments later, Nico knocked on the door and Esteban let him in. They both sat on the sofa, farther apart than they'd usually sit. The tension was agonizing.

"I love you.." Esteban murmured, staring at his hands. "I really do.. And I-.. I don't want to lose you over what I choose to do with my career."

"I don't want to lose you because of your career." Nico muttered.

"You can't control how I live my life."

Nico sighed. "That's not my intention. My intention is to keep you safe."

Esteban was silent, he just kept staring at his hands.

"If you want to keep racing.. Then.. So be it, and.. Maybe I'll keep racing as well. If you're going to do something dangerous, I want us to do it together."

"Really?"

Nico nodded, taking his hands in his. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Nico reached out and undid the buttons on his shirt, moving the material away from his shoulder. He inspected the wound. "Does it hurt?"

"Yeah.."

Nico re-did the buttons and pulled Esteban onto his lap, wrapping his arms around the waist. "Sleep."

\----  
Scene - Oliver Turvey / Sergio Perez

Sergio said goodbye to Jenson as they got back to the hotel and Sergio went by Oliver's room to get him. He came out and they headed out of the hotel.

"How was dinner?" Oliver asked, as they headed down the sidewalk.

"Good. Where's Carly been all weekend? Doesn't she usually do reporting and stuff?"

"She took this weekend off.. She's not feeling well."

"Is she sick?"

Oliver looked at the cement, watching as they stepped over the lines. "Uhm.." He bit his lip, feeling slightly panicked. 

"What?" Sergio looked at him. "Is she okay?"

Oliver didn't reply, just stopped and leaned back against the side of a building.

"Are you okay?" Sergio stopped, looking at him.

"She's pregnant." He whispered, looking up towards the sky. The sun had set and the clouds were no where in sight, leaving patterns of stars everywhere.

"Is it yours..?"

"No.. Her ex boyfriend is the father. But he was.. in a way, abusive. He left her. But.. She wants to keep the baby and I'm scared-.." He breathed.

"Do.. Do you want to be a dad?"

"Yes? I-.. Not right this moment.. But maybe I'll be ready by the time it's born." He said quickly, but he wasn't sure. He put his hands over his face and tried to breathe normally. "I'm just scared."

"Come on.. Let's go somewhere quiet." Sergio said, grabbing him by an arm and heading toward a coffee shop that was mostly empty. The sidewalks however, had been full of families and couples.

Oliver followed him to a table and sat across from him, staring at the bottle of sugar that was in the middle with a napkin dispenser. 

"It's gonna' be okay, you just need to relax."

Oliver pulled his sleeves over his hands and discreetly wiped at his eyes, trying to avoid looking at him, embarrassed. 

"You okay?"

The Brit nodded. "Yeah.. I'm sorry. I freaked out.."

Sergio shook his head. "It's fine.. I'd freak out too. I think someone you should talk to about it is Jenson. You and Carly. Both him and Jess' can help. I promise."

Oliver nodded again. "I do want to be a father to the baby.. I'm not going to back out of it or anything. It's just-.. scary."

"I can imagine." Sergio murmured, looking out the window, then back to his friend. "So.. How far along is she?"

"I don't know.. I'm not even sure she knows. When we get back to England, she's booking Doctors appointments and stuff.."

"Good." 

Oliver looked at his phone. "Sorry.. It's Carly.. She wants me to come back.. she's feeling really bad." He stood up.

Sergio nodded and followed him back to the hotel. "Don't worry about it. What time are you two flying home tomorrow?"

"9 in the morning.. Straight to England. Thank God for direct flights."

"I'll be there at 9 too.. so, I'll see you there. Tell Carly I said 'Hi'.." Sergio said, hugging him.

"I will. Thanks for the talk.. See you tomorrow." Oliver smiled, then ran down the hall to his and Carly's room.


	3. Memories Like Bullets

Scene - Airport 2:30 AM

Esteban and Monisha were sitting on airport chairs, both sleepy and trying to stay awake until they were on the plane. It had started to rain lightly outside and the sky was full of clouds, shielding the stars that had been out earlier.

Esteban fumbled through his carry-on bag and pulled out his hoodie, sticking it on and trying to get warm. It was freezing inside the airport, maybe even colder than it had been outside.

Monisha had her eyes buried in a book and was intently turning the pages every few minutes. Esteban watched her and then turned his eyes, watching a little boy crawl onto his mothers lap and hug her arm. The mother ran her hand through the boys hair and smiled down at him.

Esteban looked away and watched the clock instead. 

Monisha glanced at him and then stood. "We should get in line, they just announced we're boarding." She said, waiting for a reply.

Esteban nodded and stood, gathering his things and following her to the line gathering around the entry to the plane. Once they were seated, he noticed the mother and son again, sitting in the seats across the aisle from him and Monisha. He looked away and towards the window, trying hard not to think, because the more he thought, the more it hurt.

\----  
Scene - Airport 8:30 AM

"Attention passengers of flight 5520 to Zurich, Switzerland at 9:00 AM, this flight has been delayed until 10:00 AM due to weather conditions, we are sorry for the inconvenience."

Sergio groaned. That was not the first thing he wanted to hear upon arriving at the airport. He looked around for Oliver and Carly and saw them sitting together on chairs at the back end of the long main floor. He headed over. "Morning." He sat beside Oliver.

"Hey." Oliver replied.

Carly looked over and smiled. "Hi, Sergio. So.. Ollie told you last night?"

Sergio nodded. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. Just kind of tired. I can't wait to get home and have a nap in a comfortable bed."

"Yeah, I agree." He replied, leaning back against the chair and looking up at the flight boards. He hoped they wouldn't delay the flight anymore than it already had been. 

\----  
Scene - Esteban Gutierrez / Monisha Kaltenborn

Halfway through their flight, Esteban couldn't help but go on staring at the mother and son, the way the mother kept checking the blonde boy's seatbelt, how she always ruffled his hair and offered him some pretzels or one of his toy cars from her carry on.

He tried not to think about how all he had had was the complete opposite. He tried not to remember sitting outside in the rain, waiting for his ride home from School that never showed up. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Monisha looked away from her book and looked at him, then across the aisle at the mother and son, then back to Esteban. "You okay?" She asked.

"Tired.." He shrugged, not wanting to go down the emotional road of the main subject. She placed an arm around his shoulders. "I want to talk to you about something." She said quietly.

He nodded, tiredly letting his head rest against her arm. "Yeah?"

"You know all the paper work I've been doing lately?"

"Yeah.."

She reached into her carry on bag with her other hand and pulled out a slip of paper. "If you like the idea.. All you have to do is sign at the bottom. I've taken care of everything else."

He took the paper and unfolded it, his eyes quickly scanning across it.

\----  
Scene - Next Day.

Oliver came over to Jenson's house the next morning and walked up the front door. There were two cars parked in the driveway. One of them a street brand McLaren and the other a silver Mercedes. He knocked on the door and waited.

Jessica looked through the window and then opened the door. "Hey, Oliver." She greeted him with a hug. "Jenson's inside.. Come on in."

Oliver followed her into the house. He'd only been to Jenson's house a few times. Usually it was for a party that Jess' was throwing or something. She lead him into the livingroom where Jenson was sitting on the couch, holding Evelynn, feeding her a bottle.

He looked up. "Hey, Ollie. How are you?"

"I'm alright.. I was hoping I could talk to you if you're not busy."

"Yeah, have a seat."

Oliver sat beside him. "She's adorable.."

"Thanks. She sleeps a lot.. Which is great. Everyone else who has kids freaked us out. They were all going on about how babies cry and wail." He laughed. "So.. what's up?"

Oliver looked at him. "Sergio said I should talk to you."

"Oh? About what?"

"I'm gonna' be a dad...." He breathed.

"What? Carly's pregnant?"

"It's her ex's.. But.. He left her.. And.. she wants me to be the father."

"Oh wow.. are you ready.. to be a father?"

"Yeah.. I think so."

"You have to be really sure, Ollie.. It's not the same as being responsible for a goldfish. It's a baby. It's for the rest of your life. You have to be ready for the commitment."

Oliver nodded, looking at Evelynn. He finally felt the reality hitting him. 

"Do you want to hold her?" 

"Uh.. Okay."

Jenson placed Evelynn in Oliver's arms. "There.. Keep this arm up a bit more.." He said, pushing Oliver's arm up. "There.. Perfect."

Oliver watched her, looking at her tiny little fingers. She opened her eyes sleepily and yawned, her tiny mouth forming the smallest little 'o' shape. He then looked back to Jenson. "I'm scared.. Honestly, I am. But I won't let her do it alone. I'll be a good father to that baby."

Jenson nodded. "I know you will. And if you two need anything.. Me and Jess' can help, okay?"

Oliver nodded. "Thanks.."

"You've known me for what? 5 years? We're practically family.. Anything you need, just ask." He said.

"Okay.."

\----  
Scene - Sergio Perez / Esteban Gutierrez.

"Si, mama.." Sergio said into the phone. He was planning on going to Mexico to see his family for a few days before prep for the Chinese GP started.

"Does your friend want to come?"

"Esteban?"

"Si."

"Uhm.. I can check." Sergio said, peering from the kitchen, to the living room where Esteban was watching TV. "Hey! You want to come with me to Mexico tonight?"

Esteban turned his head. "We just got here yesterday. You already want to do more traveling?"

"To see my family. You want to come or not you brat?" Sergio smirked.

"Okay." He smiled.

"Si, mama.. Esteban will come with me. We'll get a flight tonight and be there tomorrow morning. I love you." He said before hanging up. He hurried into the living room and jumped on the couch. "Mama said she's going to make up a huge breakfast for when we get there."

Esteban grinned. "Okay."

"How are things with you and Nico?"

"Fine now.. Everything's good. We talked about it and decided we'll keep racing until we both decide we're ready to stop and settle down."

"Good."


	4. Don't Give Me Up

Scene - Sebastian Vettel / Heikki Huovinen

The two were curled up on Seb's black leather sofa in his den, watching the fireplace crack and pop. Seb loved the way the orange and yellow flames would dance around and sway. He found it peaceful.

Heikki wrapped his arms around Seb's waist, pulling the driver closer. "Feels good to relax, hm?" He whispered, pressing his lips onto Seb's neck.

Sebastian moaned, nodding. "That feels good too."

"Yeah?" Heikki smirked and continued to place kisses against his flesh. He ran his hands up and under Seb's shirt, his nails gliding up his sides, reaching his shoulders, then went back down until he got to his hips.

Seb was enjoying the moment, but of course, like most of his good moments, this one was ruined by the ringing of his phone. He groaned. "Heikki, stop."

Heikki sighed and sat back. "You should turn that stupid thing off."

"But what if it's someone from the team? You know I have to be easy to get ahold of at all times." He said, picking up his iphone and clicking the home button to reveal the screen. Kimi was calling. He blinked a few times and then pressed 'Ignore' and threw his phone back onto the empty sofa-seat.

"Who was that?" Heikki asked, picking up his glass of red wine from the coffee table.

Seb debated on being truthful or making something up. The obvious choice to most people would be to be truthful, but that usually didn't end well for him. He sighed. "It was Kimi." He finally said after a few moments.

"Why didn't you answer?"

Seb made a face. "You want me talking to him?"

"Sebastian." Heikki said, making a serious face. "I don't care who your friends are. I don't care who you converse with. I just don't want you fucking other people. As long as you're faithful to me, then nothing else matters." He told him, before bringing the glass to his lips and downing the rest of the rich red liquid.

"I don't feel like talking to him right now anyways." Seb shrugged. "He either wants to yell, complain or lecture me on how shitty I am."

Heikki frowned. "You're not shitty."

"I am, according to the Bible of Kimi Raikkonen."

Heikki snorted and threw his head back, laughing. "Sorry." He breathed between laughs. "You're just so funny."

"It's one of my best traits." Seb replied, nuzzling his head against Heikki's chest. 

\----

Scene - Lewis Hamilton / Nicole

Although Lewis would never admit that his relationship had been tense recently, it was. Things had been extremely weird between him and Nicole ever since he'd found out she'd once had an intimate night with Rosberg. He'd been waiting for the right time to bring it up to her, waiting for her to be in an extremely good mood.

They were both laying in their king-sized bed, watching TV, Roscoe laying on the edge, his chin propped up on Nicole's ankle as if it were his own personal pillow.

Lewis abruptly turned off the TV and sighed.

Nicole turned her head, looking at him. "What's wrong, babe?"

"I'm just gonna' come out and ask you. Did you have sex with Rosberg?"

She blinked at him. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah.. He said it, not me. He mentioned how he had this whole one-night-stand-thing with you.. Way back, long ago. I just want to know if it's true." He murmured, sounding maybe a bit jealous.

She laughed. "What a twat."

"What? It's not true?"

"Partially." She said, wagging a finger. "Him and I never had sex. So, he's really pimping himself out if he thinks we even got naked. He took me out to dinner and we ended up making out in hotel room. That was it. It never went any further than that and we never had a date again."

Lewis was a little shocked, but more relieved if anything. "Wow.."

"Wow, what? Did you expect something different?"

"Kinda'.. I just.. I thought maybe it was true.. You know, that you two had had sex."

"Nope." She sat up and looked at him, "And if it makes you feel better, I don't have any attraction to him whatsoever.. so, just relax."

"I'm not worried." Lewis said, crossing his arms.

"You were SO worried." She smacked his shoulder.

He rolled his eyes. "I was doing nothing more than debunking a myth."

She snorted and kissed his cheek. "I love you, baby."

He placed a hand into her hair. "You too." He smiled.

\----  
Scene - Oliver / Carly

Oliver had been in a deep sleep when he felt someone shaking him. He fought hard to make his tired eyes look up to see what was going on. 

"Oliver." Carly breathed, continuing to shake him.

He sat up and flicked his lamp on, looking at her. She was sweating and crying and had an arm wrapped around her stomach. Her other hand still clung to his shirt. 

"What's going on?" He asked frantically.

"It hurts so much.." She breathed, choking out a sob and doubling over.

Oliver panicked. "Stoffel! Stoff!" He screamed.

Stoffel came flying into the room. "What?!"

"I need you to drive us to the hospital-.. Something's wrong.. I think it's the baby?"

"What baby? Holy shit.. Is Carly pregnant?"

"Yes! And something's wrong! Help!" He exclaimed.

"Get her to the car." Stoffel replied, running to grab his keys.

Oliver found a spare blanket and wrapped it around her so she wouldn't freeze outside. He then lifted her up and carried her to the car. He got into the back with her and waited as Stoffel hurried to the car and got in the drivers seat. 

As soon as they arrived at the Hospital, Oliver rushed her into the Emergency Room. "I need a doctor!"

"Sir, you're going to need to take a number and have a seat." A receptionist told him.

"This can't wait! It's my girlfriend and she's pregnant! Please help her.. Please." He begged, near tears. To his relief, the receptionist called a doctor over to them and he lead them to a little room down a white-painted hall.

He gently placed her on the examining table and watched as the doctor began to check her vitals. "Blood pressure is normal." He told Oliver as he lifted her nightgown. "No sign of bleeding. That's good." He added. 

Oliver just nodded, letting Carly squeeze at his hand. She'd stopped crying but he could tell she was just in too much pain to waste energy.

The doctor wheeled over a monitor and then unbuttoned her nightgown until her stomach was visible. He placed a small amount of gel near her belly button and pressed a small remote roller to her skin. He kept his eyes focused on the monitor and after a few silent moments, he gave Oliver a soft smile. "There's the baby." He pointed to an odd-shaped thing on the screen.

"It's okay?" Oliver asked, stroking Carly's hand with his thumb. He stared at the doctor, waiting for an answer.


	5. How Could You Leave Me This Way?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is going to be one of the shortest chapters I've ever done and I apologize, but I've been super busy with returning to work after F1 Summer Break and I had loads to do, but I'm sure there will be a longer chapter next time. Thanks for reading. xxxx

Scene - Oliver Turvey / Carly - Continued From Last Chapter.

"The baby is just fine." The doctor replied, looking back to the screen. "She's probably just experiencing some muscle cramping. It's nothing to be concerned about, so you both can just relax now."

Oliver let out a breath, still stroking Carly's hand with his thumb. She gave a slight smile, but mostly just looked exhausted.

"Do come in though if she's experiencing any abnormal bleeding." The doctor said to Oliver. "That could be a serious warning sign of a possible miscarriage."

"Okay"

"You can take her home now. Make sure she gets some sleep."

Oliver lifted Carly up and carried her out into the waiting room where Stoffel was sitting on a chair, looking intensly at the striped wallpaper in the room. "We can go."

"She's alright?" Stoffel asked as he stood and fetched his car keys from his pocket.

"Yeah, she's fine." Oliver nodded, following him out to the car.

When they arrived back at Stoffel's place, Oliver put her in bed and got in beside her, holding her hand. "I love you."

Carly smiled sleepily, placing her free hand on his cheek. "Love you more."  
\----  
Scene - Sergio Perez / Esteban Gutierrez

"Are you ready?" Sergio knocked on Esteban's bedroom door. 

The two were supposed to be on their way to the airport, to go to Mexico for a few days to see Sergio's family.

Esteban opened the door. "Uhm.. I don't think I'm gonna' go anymore."

"What? Why?"

"I'm just really tired from everything lately.. The racing and traveling.. I just kinda' want to stay here.. I'm sorry, you're not mad are you? I know this seems really last minute."

"No, it's okay. I understand." 

Esteban looked at him. "I want to go.. I'm just exhausted."

"Don't worry about it, seriously.. You can come next time. But I need to get to the airport. I'll be back in 3 days." Sergio said, giving him a quick hug. "Don't trash th e place." He smirked.

"Yeah, right."

Sergio laughed, heading down the hall.

Esteban heard him go out the front door, close and lock it, then could hear a taxi pulling up to take him to the airport. He sighed and went back to his bed, barely able to keep his eyes open. His phone began to ring and he smiled, seeing as it was Nico calling him.

"Hi." 

"Hey, Esteban."

Esteban felt panic run through him. Nico had a tone in his voice, not a good tone, more like an annoyed tone, maybe even pissed off.

"What's up..?" He asked, slowly.

"Look, I know we agreed everything was good the other day, but.." He stopped to sigh deeply. "I've done a bit of thinking, Esteban."

"About what?"

"I'm not going to keep racing just to make you happy. I'm going to do what I want with my life. I'm going to do what makes me happy. If you want to risk your life, then so be it. But I won't let you continue to drag me down."

"Nico.."

"Look, Esteban. It's not working."

"Nico, why are you saying these things?" Esteban breathed. He felt like he was being torn into pieces. He was clutching at the covers with his free hand, tears welling up in his eyes. "Nico.." He pleaded. He heard the other line click off and he looked at his phone before dropping it onto the bed. He shut his eyes, wrapping his arms around his chest. He'd never felt anything like it, it was like someone had taken his whole world and shaken it so violently that everything was shattered. 

He tried to make sense of it, tried to call him back but go no answer. It was so unexpected and he felt it was even unfair. He just lay there, crying and suddenly realising how alone he was in the house. He tried to call Sergio, but he didn't get an answer from him either. He must've already boarded the plane. God, how long had he been laying there? He looked at the clock, realising it was nearly 1 in the morning. He rolled onto his back, staring at the white ceiling.

He reached for his phone again and called Giedo.

"Hello..?" The Dutchman answered sleepily.

"I need you."

"Esteban? Are you okay?"

"It hurts." He sobbed, breathing in sharply.

"What's going on? I'm on my way.. Just.. Calm down."

"Giedo.." He continued to sob.

"I'm coming.. Just.. Hold on. I have to drive.. I'll be right there." He reluctantly hung up before jumping out of bed and throwing on some warmer clothes, before running out to his car. He was thankful that he had gone to Switzerland for a few days to see family. He couldn't imagine what would have happened if he had gone to England to stay at his place near the base.  
When he arrived at Sergio and Esteban's place, he knocked on the front door frantically, trying to see if there were any lights on inside. 

Esteban answered the door a few moments later, red-eyed and still crying. 

"Esteban.." Giedo stepped into the house and shut the door, before moving towards the boy.

He threw himself into his arms, shaking.

After a half hour of explaining that he and Nico had been dating and now Nico had randomly insulted and broke up with him over the phone, Giedo finally understand the whole story. The two were on the couch, Esteban was leaning into him, still crying softly. "It hurts so much."

Giedo placed an arm around him, pulling him closer. "I know.." He whispered. 

 

"Make it stop.." He pleadeed, squeezing his eyes shut.

"I wish I could.. I'm sorry."

(TBC)


	6. I Will Comfort You

Scene - Esteban Gutierrez / Giedo Van Der Garde (Continued From Last Chapter.)

After a few hours, Giedo had finally gotten Esteban to calm down. The two were still sitting together on the couch, the throw blanket spread over them. It was cold, snowing even and the heating was broken at the moment due to the previous owner not fixing it.

Giedo decided to bring up the subject of the weather. "Quite cold still... For Spring. Can't believe it's still snowing." He murmured, looking towards the window. 

Esteban nodded, not moving from his position of being curled up against his friend. His head was now pounding from all the crying. 

"Do you want me to make you some food?"

"It's almost 4 in the morning, don't you want to go home?" Esteban murmured.

"No, I'm fine.. I don't wanna' leave you.. You're here all alone.. I don't mind staying. Come on.. Let's have some food." Giedo pushed the blanket off of himself and stood up, heading for the kitchen.

Esteban followed him and sat at the table.

"So, where's Checo?" Giedo asked, gathering things from the fridge.

"He went to Mexico to see his family. He wanted me to go.. I told him I was tired.. I mean, I am. I'm exhausted, but also.. I don't know, it's weird to be around someone elses family.."

"I understand.. You haven't had it easy." Giedo replied, throwing things into a pan.

".... Can I get your opinion on something?"

"Of course."

"So.. Monisha and I flew back together and during the flight she gave me this paper."

"What is it?"

"It's for a contract extension. For 2 more years.. So that I'm promised a seat at Sauber for at least two more seasons." Esteban said, folding the paper out on the table.

"Hey, that's great." Giedo said, sitting down and setting plates on the table. "What are you thinking of doing?"

"I dunno'.." He picked up a fork. "What if the car just keeps getting worse? It's not her fault or anything.. I want to stay with the team, but.. I also want to win."

"3 years."

"Hmm?"

"3 years it took Checo to win a race.. And then he won his next back-to-back. And he had a horrible year with McLaren."

"I know.. But.. It's just hard and frustrating."

"Don't give up. I'd sign the paper if I were you."

Esteban looked it over again. "Yeah.. I guess I will. At least I'll stay in the sport."

\----  
Scene - Sergio Perez

He had planned on flying from Switzerland straight to Mexico, but due to storms, he was stuck at layover in England while flights were canceled and delayed. He watched as his flight on the board clicked to the red "DELAYED" sign for the 3rd time. He groaned and got up from where he'd been sitting. He knew there was no way he was making it on a plane until late morning, so he figured he'd just spend the night with Jenson.

He took a taxi to his place and walked up to the door. He knew it was 3 in the morning and that him and Jessica were probably asleep, but, it wasn't the first time Sergio had showed up at his place in the middle night, needing a place to stay due to traveling issues.

He knocked on the front door, looking around as the wind whipped theough the willow trees that were standing tall around the house. Snow was pounding down into the yard and flying around in the air.

Jenson answered the door in blue plaid flannel pajamas. He didn't look tired and he had a bottle in one hand. "You okay?" He asked. His instinct question for a friend showing up this late at night.

"My flight home got canceled. Was supposed to be over the ocean about now." Sergio murmured. "Stupid snow."

Jenson laughed and let him in. "You really do pick the worst days to fly. Come on." He said, leading him inside, before locking the front door back up. "I was up anyway, so you're lucky. You may not have gotten an answer.."

"Yeah right. You're a light sleeper. You hear everything." Sergio said, setting his bags in the livingroom, then following Jenson into the kitchen, where he warmed up the bottle of milk. "Ev' keeps waking up and crying and Jes' thinks she's hungry, but she wouldn't take from her breast, so we stuck it in a bottle and that's what we're trying now.. So you finally get to meet her." He smiled.

Sergio sat at the kitchen table, loosening the scarf around his neck, watching as Jenson went down the hall and to his and Jessica's bedroom. He re-appeared a few moments later, carrying Evelynn's carrier. He set it down and picked her up, sitting down on a chair beside Sergio.

"Here she is.. Little Evey."

"She's so little.." Sergio whispered. 

Jenson tried to give her the bottle. "Little but fussy." He smirked. "So.. Esteban stayed behind?"

"Yeah, he said he was exhausted from traveling."

"Be honest with me. Is he okay?" Jenson asked.

"He's fine." Sergio nodded, although not aware of Nico's little break-up session.

"Good." Jenson replied, then grinned as Evelynn drank from the bottle. "Finally."

"Hah. Don't jinx it." Sergio laughed lightly. "Where's Jess'?" He asked.

"In our room, reading about crying in newborns in all these baby books we got at the baby shower. I don't think she knows you're here. Jess'!" He called.

She ran down the hall. "Yes? Is she okay? Oh-.. Hey, Sergio."

"She's fine. She's taking the bottle. And yes.. His flight got delayed.. Is the guest room clean?"

"Yeah.. Do you want extra blankets? It's freezing."

"I'm okay." Sergio smiled.

"Okay, if you change your mind.. They're in the hall closet, the bottom one. Because if you open the top one.. A bunch of random junk will fall out and.." She gave a look at Jenson. "And someone needs to clean that out."

"Yeah, yeah." Jenson smirked. "I'll do it to tomorrow. Promise."

She raised an eyebrow. "I'm going to sleep now. Goodnight." She patted Sergio on the shoulder and then went back to their room.

\----  
The next morning, after a shower and successfully finding something warm to wear (jeans, longsleeved shirt and a team hoodie), Sergio headed out of the guest room and found Jenson in the kitchen, cooking.

Jenson turned his head. "Hey, mate. Got some time for breakfast?"

"Yeah. Next flight isn't until 2, so.. You're just going go have to cook for me." He smirked, sitting at the table. 

"Sleep okay?"

Sergio shrugged.

Jenson sat down, with plates of food. 

"Where's the girls?"

"Jessica is at work and Evelynn is still asleep, thankfully. So, what's up?"

"I don't know.. I just couldn't sleep.. Too much to think about I guess."

"Like..?"

He shrugged again. "I don't know. I get nostalgic at night."

"Yeah.. That's okay. I do that sometimes. But I'm like.. What? 11 years older than you? I have tons to look back on." He laughed.

"You're not old."

"I did not say that. I said I am older than you." Jenson pointed out, cutting into a pancake.

Sergio laughed and then looked at his phone as it started ringing.

\---- TBC


	7. I'm Afraid, Can Barely Breathe

Scene - Sergio Perez / Jenson Button (Continued from last chapter.)

Sergio looked at Jenson. "Once second.. It's Esteban." He said, answering his phone. "Que pasa, Amigo?"

Jenson watched, stuffing pankcakes in his mouth. When Sergio hung up, he sighed. 

"Everything okay?"

"I guess. Esteban said that Nico broke up with him so he had Giedo come stay at our place until I come back."

"Esteban and Nico were dating?" Jenson asked.

"Yeah.. Not anymore. I guess Nico called him last night and wigged out on him." Sergio murmured, frowning.

"That doesn't sound much like Hulk.. I mean, he's not one to get angry or be mean to someone he loves."

"I know, that's why I don't understand. Esteban doesn't understand it either."

"Maybe there's more to the story than he knows. Still, poor kid." Jenson sighed. "He's lucky Giedo was in Switzerland."

"Yeah.." Sergio picked up the mug of coffee. "How's Ollie? I haven't heard from him in awhile."

"He's good.. Just nervous, I guess. He stopped by recently to ask for advice on parenting stuff."

Sergio smiled. "I told him to."

"Everyone wants advice from me. I'm just that amazing." Jenson smirked, taking the dishes to the sink. "So.. We've got a few hours before your flight, what would you like to do?"

"Maybe we can just stay here and watch a movie or something.. It's too cold to do anything outside."

Jenson nodded. "Sounds good." He said, heading to the livingroom with him.

They plopped down onto the couch and Jenson looked through the movies on cable. "God, what a bunch of crap.." He murmured. "Where's all the fast-paced action movies?"

"Your life is an action movie." Sergio laughed.

"Says the one who does the same thing for a living."

"True."

Jenson finally stuck it on a crime-thriller. At least it was fairly new and in HD. About 20 minutes into the movie, Evelynn woke up and started crying. "I gotta' go change her and get her a bottle." Jenson said, then looked over to find that his friend had fallen asleep. He snuck away from the couch and then went to get Evelynn.

Sergio woke up hours later. It was 1:15 PM. His eyes widened and he sat up. Jenson was beside him, holding Evelynn, looking at her little fingers and giggeling. "Morning, again."

"My flight. I have 45 minutes to get to the airport and get to my terminal." 

"I know.. I'll drive you." He said, standing up.

Sergio went and got his luggage, while Jenson got Evelynn in her car seat. 

When they arrived at the airport, Sergio got out of the car. "Okay. I'll text you when I'm at my moms." He said, before running inside to find his flight.

\----  
Scene - Nico Hulkenberg / Kevin Magnussen.

Nico had agreed to go out for food with Kevin. He didn't have many people to hang out with ever since he moved to England, so he decided to bond with McLaren's younger driver. He for sure didn't want to see Esteban, not after what happened last night. 

Kevin and him met at a low-key restaurant and sat across from eachother. "How have you been?"

"Alright.. Kinda' tired." Nico said, leaning back in the chair. "You?"

"Good." Kevin said, picking up a menu. He noticed Nico looked different. Pale, thinner, not as perky and happy. 

After they ate and chatted about the previous races, Nico got up. "I'll be right back, just going to use the restroom." He said, walking away from the table. Kevin nodded and checked his own phone for texts.

Nico walked into the bathroom, locking himself into a stall. He closed his eyes, muttering to himself. "Just do it, you disgusting pig. You fatty.. You gross fatty." He knelt down in front of the toilet, proceeding to make himself throw up. 

Kevin looked at the time after thinking that Nico had been gone quite awhile and noticed it'd been over 5 minutes. He debated on going to check on him, but just as he was going to, he saw Nico walking towards the table, looking slightly off.

"Should we head somwhere?" Nico asked, pulling a stick of gum from his wallet and putting it into his mouth.

"Uhm.." Kevin wanted to ask if something was wrong, but he decided he might just be assuming things. He also knew he should be getting back home, he was supposed to be meeting with one of the engineers from McLaren in a bit to overview some of the circuits. "I can't, sorry. I have a busy night. Maybe tomorrow."

"Ah, okay." Nico murmured.  
\----  
When he got back home, he threw his keys on the table and headed to his bedroom, pulling his coat off and hanging it in the closet.

He headed into the bathroom, stripped off his clothes and turned on the hot tap to the shower. He then turned to look in the mirror. He hated what he saw. He moved his hands over his arms and his sides, grabbing at 'fat' that didn't exist. He watched the tears as they slipped down his cheeks, his throat still burning from earlier. 

After a hot shower, he found some pajamas to wear and then crawled under the covers in bed, curling up. 

\----  
Scene - Chinese GP Week - Wednesday.

While some drivers had decided not to arrive until Thursday, some of the others were arriving already and checking in to the beautiful hotel in Shanghai.

Jenson was standing in the lobby, talking to Lewis, when Nico walked in, dragging luggage behind him. Both of them turned to look and wave.

Nico waved back and then went up to the front desk to check in. 

"Ay, I'm gonna' walk the track, wanna' come?" Jenson called.

"I'll meet you there. I'm just gonna' take this up to my room." He said, heading down the hall with his bags.

Jenson said goodbye to Lewis, who insisted it was way too early for walking the circuit and instead wanted to nap. 

When Nico got there, he found Jenson. "Hey.. How was your week?"

"Pretty good. Yours?" Jenson asked, stretching his arms.

Nico looked at the sky. "Alright."

The two began to walk down the first sector of the circuit at a pretty good pace. Nico was realising how much the barely eating thing was taking a toll on him. This was the first time he'd felt winded from track walk. His lungs burned and his head felt heavy. They were about 10 minutes from the Finish Line, when Jenson grinned. "Wanna' run the rest?"

"Uh yeah, sure." Nico replied, not wanting him to suspect anything. He ran after him, cursing under his breath at how fast Jenson was.

By the time they crossed the line, Nico was feeling weird. He couldn't even describe it. His skin felt cold and prickly and his vision blurred. He leaned against the hot cement wall. Jenson had been stretching again to cool down after the run, but noticed Nico. "You alright, mate?" He asked with a slight laugh, not realising how bad he actually was.

"Nico.. Are you okay?" Jenson straightened up and headed over to him. "Nico" He placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm alright.. Just.. Out of breath." The blonde murmured, his eyes shut tightly.

"Sit.." Jenson led him to a bench and handed him a bottle of water. "Sorry.. We didn't need to run. It's hot, that was a dumb idea."

"No, it's fine.. Sorry, I just got winded." Nico waved a hand, feeling relieved that his vision had gone back to normal for now. 

Jenson sat beside him. "I'm gonna' be honest, you freaked me out for a second."

"I'm fine." Nico force a laugh to lighten to the mood. "Don't worry about me."

God he hated saying that.. He wanted knew he should worry. Everyone was going to worry. The way he was treating his own body had side-effects and Jenson already noticed. He knew Esteban would notice too, probably right away. The other drivers might take awhile to see that anything was wrong, but he knew Esteban would be all over him, asking what was wrong.

When he got back to the hotel with Jenson, they found that Sergio had just arrived, looking tan and happy.

"Ay, Checo." Jenson smiled. "How was home?"

"Wonderful as always. I went with dad and my brother to the beach and we went snorkeling."

"That sounds fun."

"Where were you two?"

"We were walking the track.. Well.. We walked most of it and then I suggested we run the rest of it."

Sergio looked at Nico, who looked back at him, smiling a bit. 

"I'm gonna' head back to my room. I'll see you guys at the dinner tonight." Nico said, before hurrying to his room. He was afraid maybe Sergio was mad about the whole break-up Esteban.

\----  
That night, the drivers that had arrived gathered around a gigantic table for a nice dinner. Some sat next to their team-mates, others sat with whoever they were closest with. Esteban and Nico were so far apart, that they were actually more across from eachother.

He ate his food, quicker than the others, not wanting to join in on the conversations. He just wanted to eat and leave. He could feel Esteban staring at him and it was making him feel worse.

"Nico."

Nico looked up to find Fernando staring at him. "Sorry, what?"

"I asked if you were planning on attending the party after the race on Sunday?"

"Uhm, yeah, probably." Nico replied, then scraped the rest of his food onto his fork and stuffed it into his mouth, before getting up. "I'm going to bed early tonight, so.. See you all tomorrow."

Fernando watched him. "Goodnignt." He replied, then raised an eyebrow and went back to eating.

Jenson got up a few moments later. "Be right back." He said, heading for the bathroom. He headed inside and towards an empty stall. The drivers knew better than to pee in an open urinal. You never knew when a journalist or fan would walk into a bathroom and end up wanting to have a discussion while your pants are unzipped.

He headed into the stall when he heard the noises of someone coughing in the next stall over, followed by vomiting. He finished up, then went to wash his hands. 

As he was drying them with paper towels, Nico exited the other stall, walked over to the sinks and rinsed his mouth out with tap water. 

"Nico?" Jenson said softy.

The blonde was startled. He hadn't realised it was Jenson, but assumed it was just a worker or something. 

"Are you alright?"

"Hm.. Yeah.. I just.. I guess I ate something that didn't agree with me.. Or something." Nico shrugged. "I'm fine."

Jenson looked him over. "You should probably get some sleep."

Nico just nodded and turned, leaving the bathroom. He knew he could've been caught and now he had to be extra careful. He winced as the burning in his throat reminded him of what he was doing to himself. He felt guilty, but at the same time, he knew in the end it would be worth it. Wouldn't it?


	8. Somebody Save Me

Scene - Friday / Free Practice 1

Giedo was standing around the Force India garage, waiting for the engineers to finish setting up his car for the first session. He looked over at Nico's side of the garages and saw him sitting quietly, reading a book. 

"Morning, Nico.."

Nico looked up, waved, then looked back to the book.

Giedo sighed quietly and looked out at the pit-lane. It was buzzing with media and team crew, all chatting and trying to get any new information on the teams and drivers. 

He knew he had to talk to Nico after this session. He'd promised Esteban he would find out what was going on. It's not like Nico had even given a reason for breaking up with him.

\----  
Sergio arrived at the Sauber garages with Esteban, got changed into his racing overalls and then greeted Monisha. "I'll be back in a minute.." He told her, then hurried off to the McLaren garages, where he knew Jenson would be watching TV. That's how it worked every Friday before Practice, the two watched TV and made jokes.

He walked in and found him talking to an engineer instead. The two were actually close to an argument about the set up. Jenson insisted they fix something on the steering but the engineer declined, saying it was fine.

"Whatever, forget it then." Jenson muttered, shaking his head and heading for the back. Sergio followed him. 

"Hey."

"Hey.. What was all that?"

"Bullshit. I feel like no one listens to me sometimes." Jenson muttered, sitting on the couch.

They watched TV for a bit until Jenson muted it and looked at Sergio. "Hey.. Does Nico seem off to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like.. Maybe a little.. Not himself?"

"Not sure.." Sergio murmured. "I haven't really hung out with him for awhile."

"Oh.. Okay, maybe I'm just overreacting.." Jenson replied, un-muting the TV. 

\----  
After the first session, Giedo sat down with Nico for some lunch in the hotel diner. He watched as the blonde picked at a salad, taking a few bites and then pulling his phone from his pocket. He then placed it on the table and stood, heading for the bathroom.

Giedo raised an eyebrow but went back to his food, wondering why Nico was so silent lately. When he finally came back to the table, his eyes were red and he was slightly pale. 

Giedo looked at him and bit his lip. "Nico.."

"Hm?" Nico murmured, picking up his phone.

".. I want to talk about what happened."

"What?"

"With you and Esteban. I.. Don't mean to just.. Dig into your personal life, but.."

Nico crossed his arms, staring at the table, more so the food. He was starving. "Nothing.. I just.. Decided it wasn't working.."

"He's still really upset.."

"I know."

".. Please tell me you're not okay with what you said to him."

"I'm not.." Nico whispered, shaking his head.

".... What's going on?" Giedo asked quietly, leaning forward. 

"Nothing. I'm just tired." Nico said, standing up. "We should get back to work.."

Giedo stood and followed him out of the hotel and back to the garages. He knew something else was going on but he didn't want to pry.

\----  
After the Second Practice session, most drivers headed either to media sessions or back to their hotel rooms. Nico went to find Esteban. He found him standing around with Monisha. 

"Uhm.. Hey." Nico said.

Esteban turned and looked at him.

"Hi." Monisha said, pulling her coat on. "I'm headed to the hotel.. Esteban, I'll see you and Sergio tomorrow. Nico, I hope we can catch up soon." 

Nico nodded and then watched as she headed towards the hotel. Esteban gathered his things.

"Can we talk?"

"I.. I don't know.." Esteban murmured, looking at him.

"I... Didn't mean it, what I said about you dragging me down. It's not true.. I was drunk.. I'm sorry."

"But you still want to break up with me."

"Things aren't good.. Right now.. And I don't want you to be upset.. I think it's best if we're not a couple right now.. But.. I don't hate you, Esteban. I could never.."

"I forgive you.. But.. I want to be alone for now.. I need some time to think before I just trust you again. You broke my heart, Nico. You made me feel like crap.." 

Nico nodded slowly. "I'm sorry."

"Okay.. I'll see you tomorrow." The Mexican replied, before heading for the hotel.

Nico followed at a distance. His stomach made noises, signaling its hunger. He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling slightly dizzy. He could hear someone running up behind him.

"Heyyyy!" Jenson called, catching up to him. "So, Sergio is busy and Oliver is hanging out with Kevin, and Stoffel went for a nap.. So, I thought we could do something."

Nico looked at him. "Sounds good. What were you thinking of?"

"Food. I haven't eaten since Lunch and I'm starving."

Nico wanted to groan. He didn't want to have to eat more, because he'd just have to purge afterwards and his throat still burned from earlier. "Okay." He agreed.

They ended up at some tiny food place a couple miles into town. It wasn't really packed, but the food was super good and Nico couldn't resist eating as much as he could. He'd been so hungry.

"You did good in both sessions." Jenson said.

"Thanks, so did you."

"Meh, could've been better if the engineer would've listened to me. We got in a stupid argument earlier about the steering. He wouldn't listen but, oh well." Jenson shrugged.

"How's being a dad?" Nico asked.

"Good.. It's so different. But even now, being here away from her.. It's hard. She's great."

Nico smiled lightly. "Sergio sent me a picture when he was at your place."

"Oh, yeah. She's photogenic already. Looks right at the camera." Jenson laughed, picking up his glass.

Nico looked at the entry to the bathrooms. He tried to fight the urge. He didn't always throw up whatever he ate. Just bigger meals.. And junk. He always at least ate a little bit of food a day and kept it down. He wasn't trying to hurt himself, although he was and he didn't realize it.

"I'll be right back." He breathed, getting up and heading to the bathroom.

One thing Nico wouldn't've expected was that Jenson had already caught on. After ridding his body of what'd he eaten, he exited the stall, wiping his eyes. 

He found the Brit leaning against the sinks, his arms crossed. Nico stopped and stared at him, panic ran suddenly running through him.

"Nico.."

"I think I'm getting sick or someth-.."

Jenson cut him off. "You don't have to lie."

Nico looked at the floor, silently. He didn't know how to respond to that. Jenson walked towards him. "Look, I'm not going to give you this big lecture. I'm not going to scold or insult you.. I just want you to know.. I figured it out and I understand how you feel.. So.. If you want someone who you can trust with what's going on.. I promise I won't tell anyone."

Nico could feel the tears and he tried to fight them back. He felt ashamed and stupid and embarrassed, but in that moment, he allowed the older driver to wrap his arms around him and hug him close. He closed his eyes. He wanted to say so much but he was so exhausted. He just stood there, holding on to him until Jenson suggested they go back to the hotel.

When they arrived, they went to Nico's room and he curled up on the couch. He decided to speak first. "How did you know..?"

Jenson sat beside him. "You think I wasn't your age once? Worried about my appearance and being able to fit in my car? I once too did some stupid things to lose weight."

Nico looked at him.

"I.. Was doing what you're doing. I did it for about 4 months and it got out of control to the point where I was passing out during interviews. Luckily.. I stopped and got healthy before anyone could find out. And I had to do it all myself.. I didn't have any real friends to help me stop or tell me they cared.."

"I guess that makes me pretty lucky then.. Huh?" Nico whispered.

"Definitely.."

Nico moved closer so he could lean against him. "I'm tired.."

"I know.. And.. You should sleep.. When you wake up.. You're going to eat. And.. You're not going to get rid of it afterwards."

Nico closed his eyes, his fingers laying lightly across Jenson's sleeve. He couldn't remember the last time someone'd been taking care of him. It was always the other way around, where he was taking care of others. It felt nice to have someone care about you.


	9. I Just Can't Get You Off My Mind

Scene - Qualifying

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Seb screamed over his radio when he spun out of Q1 due to a tyrpuncture.

"Are you okay?" Rocky, his engineer asked.

"I'm fine." Sebastian muttered, before getting out of the car. He was escorted by a marshal, back to the pit lane. He stormed into his garage, taking his helmet off. "Stupid fucking tyre."

Christian looked at Seb and sighed. "It's not your fault, will you calm down?"

"Don't tell me to calm down! You're not the one who has to start from pit-lane!" Seb yelled, before storming into the back room. 

Heikki looked at Christian, then followed Seb into the room. He was sitting on the couch, scrolling through something on his phone.

"You okay?"

Seb looked up. "Mhm.."

Heikki sat beside him and drew him in, kissing him on the lips. "Love you."

"Love you, too." Seb murmured, wrapping his arms around him. "Do you wanna' watch the rest from the pit wall?"

"Sure." Heikki said, getting up and following him to the pit wall where a bunch of team-crew were sitting, watching Ricciardo's lap times for Q2.

\----

Nico was outqualified in Q2 and would start in 12th. He headed back to the Force India garages, feeling like someone had hit him with a truck. His body ached and his head was pounding. He needed food. When he walked in, he was stopped by Giedo, who was missing qualifying due to a gearbox issue.

"Hey.." 

Nico tried to look at him. "Hey."

Some of the engineers came over to talk about the issues with Giedo's car and why Nico was slow on the straights. They were all talking when Nico began to see spots again. He instinctively grabbed Giedo's arm.

"You okay?" He asked, turning to him.

"I don't feel good.." He mumbled as the room spun around him. He felt like his body was numb and nothing was making sense. He knew he was going to pass out. 

"Sorry.. We need to go." Giedo said, before he took Nico's hand and lead him back to the hotel and away from all the commotion. When they were in Nico's room, they sat down and Giedo looked at him for an explanation.

"I haven't been feeling well this weekend." Nico murmured, taking his jacket off.

"Did you catch something?"

"No.. It's nothing like that.. I think I'm just over worked is all."

"We're only a few races into the season, Nico. Have you been getting enough sleep? Eating well?"

Nico debated on how to answer that. He just wanted to call Jenson. Right now, he was the only one who actually understood what he was going through. If he was to tell Giedo, Giedo would go tell Esteban and Esteban would tell Sergio and Monisha and then everyone would know that Nico had an eating disorder.

"Nico?" 

"Huh? Oh-.. Yes, I'm sleeping enough and.. Eating well." Nico murmured, looking at his phone's screen. He texted Jenson. "You busy?"

He got a reply a few seconds later. "Just in my room. Wanna' hang?"

"Yeah." Nico texted back, then looked at Giedo. "Jenson wants to hang out, so I gotta' go. You can get back to the engineers.. They're probably wondering what happened. Tell them I needed to sleep. With that, he got up and headed out of the room before Giedo could reply.

\----

"Heyo." Jenson greeted Nico as he let him into his room. "You feeling alright?" He asked, noticing the German looked a bit pale.

"I almost fainted earlier when me and Giedo were with our engineers." Nico murmured, sitting down on the sofa. 

"Have you had anything to eat today?" 

"Yeah.. I ate breakfast.. I had an apple and some cereal."

"Breakfast was 6 hours ago. We should order lunch."

Nico made a face. It was bad enough he'd kept breakfast down, but now Jenson wanted him to eat more? He thought Jenson must be nuts.  
"Come on, Nico."

"Okay."

Jenson ordered them room service and the sat at the table in the kitchen area in the small room. They talked about Qualifying and the Practice Sessions. However, Jenson wanted to get to the more important subject. "So, when did this all start?"

Nico looked at him. "Right before I broke up with Esteban."

"Did someone.. Make you feel like you needed to do it?"

"No.. Not really. I mean.. It's kind of obvious, I weigh more than most of the other drivers because I'm taller. People have mentioned it.. I guess I just started to dislike what I saw in the mirror."

Jenson looked at him, silently.

"I guess there's also the people.. Online.." Nico started. "You know.. I'll do something like post a photo.. Someone will have the nerve to say something like.. 'You're fat'.. And it just gets to me." He breathed.

"People are rude." Jenson said quietly. "I've had my share of nasty comments."

Nico finished his food and decided to keep talking. ".. I don't always like who I am.. Not just my body, but.. me."

"What do you mean?" Jenson asked, picking up his glass of water.

"People found out.." Nico whispered, looking at the table. "The public, the media.. Everyone seems to know about me and Esteban." He breathed, his eyes filling with tears. "Do you know what it's like to be called a fag? To be told that I'm a disgrace to my Country and to my family?"

Jenson looked at him. "Nico.. I am so sorry."

Nico blinked, making the tears fall. "It's whatever. I just.. I don't like people sometimes."

"Can I ask you something?"

Nico looked at him. "Yeah."

"I know.. This isn't completely relevant.. But.. How did you know?"

"Know what?"

"How did you know you like guys.."

Nico shrugged. "You know the fuzzy feeling you get when you kiss Jess? The way you feel happy and special around her?"

"Yeah."

"I feel like that around Esteban. Why do you ask?"

Jenson looked at his nails and then at his phone. "No reason."  
\----  
Nico had left a half hour later, promising to get some sleep and to not purge despite how gross eating had made him feel about himself. Jenson trusted him and also told him to text him if he needed some support.

Jenson was now waiting for Sergio to show up. They were supposed to go see a movie.

There was a knock on the door and then Sergio came in with Jenson's spare key card. "I still can't believe you trust me with this thing." He smirked.

"Why wouldn't I? What are you going to do? Come in while I'm sleeping and steal my clothes so I have to show up at the paddock naked?"

"No, but you shouldn't give away ideas like that. You might find yourself racing in your birthday suit." Sergio laughed.  
"Right. Like the FIA would allow that." Jenson murmured, looking at him as he put his coat on.

 

"Ready to go?" Sergio asked, opening the door so they could leave.

Jenson reached out and pressed his hand against the door, pushing it closed. 

"Wha-..?"

Jenson stood infront of him and placed his hands on the younger man's shoulders.

"Jenson..What are you doi-...." Sergio started, but was cut off as Jenson leaned in and placed his lips on his.


	10. Everything Is Temporary, Rest Your Head

Scene - Jenson Button / Sergio Perez (Continued From Last Chapter)

Sergio stood there, shocked. He couldn't speak, couldn't move. He hadn't expected this at all. He closed his eyes as Jenson moved back. He could feel his heart beating faster now and his palms were sweaty. 

".. I'm sorry." Jenson whispered, looking at him.

"I.. have to go."

"No, don't go.. Please."

Sergio opened his eyes, finally looking at him. "Why'd you do it?"

"To see what it felt like."

"I really should go.. I'll see you tomorrow." Sergio whispered, turning around and opening the door. He shut it behind him and hurried down the hall, his mind racing with a million different thoughts.

Jenson just cursed and slid down the wall, to the floor and buried his face in his hands. He knew what he'd done was stupid. But, he couldn't control what he was feeling. It was wrong, but it felt good, it felt right, like it should've been done a long time ago. He knew he would be risking everything. Jessica and Evelynn. He couldn't lose them.  
\----

Scene - Nico Hulkenberg / Esteban Gutierrez

Nico had spend the last 30 minutes in bed, alone, thinking about everthing that's been going on the past few months. Things had changed so quickly. It seemed like one minute, he and Esteban were flying to Australia, ready for the first Grand Prix of the year and now they were broken up and the only one he had to blame was himself.

He sighed and looked at the clock, then reached for his phone. He texted Esteban. "Wanna' talk?"

He didn't get an answer right away, but instead of a text, Esteban came straight over and knocked on the door. Nico let him in and the two sat on the couch together, both feeling uneasy about the situation. Nico reached out and placed a hand on the rookie's shoulder. 

"I'm sorry."

Esteban looked away.

"I really am.. And.. I know that it would be wrong of me to make excuses, but.. I can explain why I broke up with you.. I really do have a good reason."

"Good reason? Nico? You.. You broke my heart.." Esteban breathed, scooting back. "You don't understand what you've done to me. You took away my happiness.. You made me feel like nothing.. And now, you just want to apologize and act like everything's okay?"

"No.. Esteban. I want to make things better. Don't you trust me?"

"Not really.. Not anymore."

"Just give me a chance.. Let me explain."

"Fine."

Nico looked at him. "I broke up with you because I.. I was going through a lot and I didn't want to drag you into it. I.. I read some things and I started beating myself up over it.. Gave myself an eating disorder, got distant from my friends.. I've just been a shit person lately, Esteban."

"I can't believe you.." Esteban shook his head and stood up. "You broke up with me.. Because you were feeling sorry about yourself. How could you be so selfish?" He asked, starting to cry. He didn't want to hear anymore, so with that, he turned and hurried out the door before Nico could stop him.  
\----

Scene - Esteban Gutierrez / Giedo Van Der Garde

Giedo opened his eyes. He'd been sleeping until he was woken by someone banging on his door. He sat up and listened for a moment to see if it would continue and it did. He got up and looked through the peep-hole, before opening the door.

"Esteban.. Are you okay?" Giedo asked, letting him in.

"No.." He leaned against the wall. He was tired and stressed and everything with Nico wasn't helping at all.

"What happened? Do you want to talk about it?"

"No.. I just-.." He stopped and just started to cry. "I'm just so tired."

"You should sleep.. You can stay with me tonight.. And then, in the morning, you and I are going to talk.. Okay?" He asked, leading Esteban over to the bed. 

"Okay." Esteban murmured, laying down. He curled up and tried to calm down. He wasn't usually the kind of person to get so upset, but he'd really had enough. He hated how things were going and he wasn't going to pretend that he wasn't hurting.

Giedo lay beside him and took his hand. "Whatever is bothering you.. I promise it will be okay. Everything is always okay eventually."

Esteban looked at him. "How do you know?"

"Because I just do.." Giedo smiled softly.  
\----  
Scene - Morning / Day Of Race

Sunday morning, the hotel lobby was buzzing with drivers, team members, engineers and mechanics. Everyone was having a quick breakfast to get the day started and then it was time for one last walk around the circuit.

"Get your ass down here. Breakfast time. :)" Giedo texted to Nico. Although, under his contact list, he was under "Hulkie"

Esteban and Giedo had had their talk before they came down to the lobby. While Esteban didn't tell Giedo what was going on with Nico, he did tell him that he was upset and just wanted an easier year. He was now sitting at a table with Sergio and Monisha.

"I made a decision on the contract." Esteban said, handing her the paper.

She unfolded it and smiled. "You signed it, wonderful."

"I've decided that I will not give up on my team. I started here and I love being a part of Sauber, no matter how tough things get. You all are family."

Sergio smiled and nudged him. "Good to hear."

Monisha watched them. "I'm proud of both of you. Results are just a small part of bein g a team. As long as we work together and fight all season, I'm sure everything will be just fine."

Esteban smiled, feeling a little better than he had the night before. He just needed a little encouragment. He then noticed as Nico walked into the lobby, looking pale and tired. He had no plans of talking to him, he didn't want to until Nico was going to change his attitude. He didn't really understand what Nico was going through though.

Nico sat with Giedo and Vijay and looked at the food. He'd had no problem eating yesterday, but as soon as Esteban had stormed out, he'd had a bunch of junk food and then made himself purge. Now, this morning, he felt weird.. Something was different. There was an odd burning sensation in the pit of his stomach.

He dug his fork into some eggs and forced himself to have a few bites. He felt sicker than he could ever remember feeling. He could tell the others noticed, he could feel their eyes staring at him. He tried to pretend like he was texting, to avoid the stares.

"Feeling alright?" Vijay asked.

Nico looked up. "Yeah, just kinda' tired still. I'll be okay once we start walking around."

"We're going to start track walk in a minute."

"Okay, I'm just going to use the bathroom real fast." Nico stood andh headed towards the mens room. He could barely stand, each wave of nausea felt a billion times worse than the last. He made his way into a stall and leaned against the door, staring at the floor. His stomach felt like fire.

He looked at his phone, realizing he'd been sitting in there for over 10 minutes. He hadn't thrown up, but he felt like he was going to. He left the stall and hurried towards the exit, hoping he wasn't late for track walk. Giedo was waiting in the hall.

"Sorry." Nico breathed, hurrying over to him.

"It's fine.. Vijay's discussing taxes with some people.. Are you okay?"

"My stomach's bothering me.." Nico murmured, pressing his hand just above his belly button. "It hurts so bad."

Giedo placed a hand on his shoulder. "Maybe you should sit this race out.."

"I'm fine.. Just hurts." He breathed.

Vijay walked over and Nico straightened up so he wouldn't suspect anything. "Ready to go, boys?"

Nico and Giedo nodded and followed 

\----  
During track walk, Nico was trying his hardest to keep up, but eventually he stopped and leaned against one of the barrier-railings. "Keep going.. I'll catch up in a minute." He said.

"Are you alright?" Giedo asked.

"Yeah, just have a leg cramp." He lied, pretending to massage his leg.

Giedo nodded and kept walking with Vijay and a few of the engineers.

Nico waited until they were out of sight and then doubled over, holding his stomach in agony. He groaned and shut his eyes, trying to breathe normally.

"Nico?" Jenson asked. He was doing track walk on his own, since Kevin and the engineers were busy with Kevin's car. 

"It hurts.."

Jenson hurried over. "Nico, what's wrong?" He asked, grabbing the arm that he didn't have wrapped around his stomach. "Nico, speak."

Nico just groaned as he threw up into the grass. When he did, his stomach burned worse than it already was. It felt like fire was rising up from deep inside of him. The worst part was is that it had been blood. Jenson's eyes went wide. "Nico.."

"Jenson.. Help me.." Nico cried, leaning against the railing. He threw up more blood, gasping as the pain intensified.

"Oh, Nico.. You need a hospital." Jenson breathed, looking around for someone. He didn't have his cell phone, he'd forgotten it in the hotel. He could see another team approaching. It was Caterham.

"Hey! I need help!" Jenson yelled to them, waving his arms above his head. Nico had sank down onto the grass, holding his stomach. He was sweating and shivering. "They're coming.. They're coming and they'll get an ambulance and it will be okay.."   
Jenson whispered, kneeling beside him. He pulled him onto his lap, holding his hand. "Just breathe."

"It hurts.." Nico gasped, clawing at the grass.

Oliver, Marcus and the Caterham engineers hurried over. "What happened?" Oliver asked, staring.

"Something is really wrong. He needs to go to the emergency room."

"I'll go find a medic." Marcus said, running off.

Nico was trying to stay awake, but the pain was making his head spin. He grabbed Jenson's hand tightley, crying in pain.

".. Oh, Nico.." Jenson whispered, holding on to him. "It's going to be okay.. Just stay with me."


End file.
